When you think of someone who’s confident, do you picture someone selfish and insufferable? Do you think you can’t have true confidence without also having a “big ego?”
In the spiritual community, we are all terrified of the ego mind. We are taught to not let the ego snuff out the magic of intuition. There’s so much shame surrounding the idea of the ego. Lots of modern mystics find themselves drowning in fear of the ego, shutting it away completely, resulting in a major lack of self confidence.
While it’s true we don’t want the ego to be in charge all the time, there’s no need to take it to the extreme like that. Repressing parts of ourselves will never build up self esteem.
The truth about confidence is this: it has nothing to do with outward expression but everything to do with inner tenacity and resolve. In fact, the more outwardly expressed the “confidence” is, the less true and stable its foundation.
There are so many factors that play into our level of self confidence. It’s something we all crave and need to thrive in life. When it comes to our spirituality, our confidence levels need to be even higher if we ever want to break out and be part of a community of shared believers.
In this podcast episode, we’ll talk about what confidence is, what it is not, and how to become a spiritually confident modern mystic! Because you deserve the confidence.
Maybe you don’t actually think of someone overly extroverted when you think of self confidence. Maybe you think of someone who’s more quietly confident, unshakable, and certain in their convictions.
That’s the type of confidence we all can cultivate! And this is the type of confidence we all need if we want to be outwardly spoken about our spiritual beliefs.
Confidence isn’t a feeling. Confidence is the action of trust.
When we trust ourselves, know why we believe in our spiritual truths, and take actions that align with that conviction, we have no choice but to embody confidence.
Of course there’s some anxiety involved. There’s uncertainty, unknown outcomes, the need for “proof,” and a plethora of other things. But self confidence in our beliefs doesn’t require prerequisites. Confidence comes from your unshakable authenticity and a grounded sense of self.
Self confidence tends to ebb and flow, as do most things in life. The more you choose to act in authentic alignment, the more confidence you will gain in that moment. As soon as you start acting out of authentic alignment, you won’t be so confident anymore.
This doesn’t mean you can’t step outside the box and try something new or challenge yourself. If you’re doing that, you likely know on some level that you will succeed. Or at least learn something new.
Acting in authentic alignment means that every action and decision made is for your highest good, and it feels good.
Traits of a Confident Person
I would like to list out a few characteristics exhibited by people with high levels of confidence. Not to point fingers and say “THIS ISN’T YOU!” But rather, to lovingly illustrate why you might not be feeling confident at all.
If you’re a confident person, you:
- Love the challenge of learning something new because you understand your knowledge or skill level has no impact on your value as a person
- Have a realistic view of yourself, your strengths, your weaknesses, and your “zone of genius,” aiming to operate mainly from your genius zone and strengths
- Don’t internalize unhelpful and unnecessary criticism when it has nothing to do with what you truly value
- Are able to accept constructive criticism because it’s in alignment with what you truly value
- Validate your own feelings, emotions, and experiences, regardless of the opinions of others
- Don’t feel the need to steamroll over other people because you trust that success, love, etc. is inherently available to everyone
- Speak with conviction on your values, but maintain an open mind to hear someone else’s point of view. You’re not afraid of compromise
- Understand that “failures” still happen, but continue to take authentically aligned action anyway because the failures aren’t defining your worth
- Allow yourself to mindfully feel all your feelings, including anxiety and self doubt. Instead of them gaining control, you explore them with a sense of curiosity
- Speak kindly to yourself and others, avoiding criticism completely
- Aren’t concerned with how you’re coming across to an objective bystander
- Have a strong connection with God/Universe, as well as a harmonious existence between the ego and the intuition
Why do we lack confidence at all?
Most people struggle with low self confidence at some point in their lives. For some, it’s most of their lives. The level of severity depends on many factors, and our willingness to work on building up confidence will depend on even more factors.
Our genetics, culture, childhood experiences, parenting style, traumas, triumphs, worldview, mindset, temperament, societal “rules,” and the words of others all contribute to our confidence by default. Notice how most of these are outside factors.
If you’ve been listening to my podcast for a while, you know that I don’t ever advocate for placing blame or fault on anyone for anything, including yourself.
So if you’re currently feeling a lack of self confidence, do not blame yourself. It’s okay! It’s part of the journey, and it’s nothing that can’t be undone. Living authentically and grounding yourself in your values is the spiritually inspired way to build up self confidence!
Let’s talk about authenticity so we can understand where self confidence stems from better. Being authentic doesn’t mean you act on every impulse that crosses your mind.
Authenticity is being intimately aware of yourself, your values, your work ethic, your desires, your purpose, and only acting in alignment with those things.
We’re so quick to look outside of ourselves for validation, we forget we can validate ourselves. And these things appear to be permanent, when they really aren’t.
When you have a strong sense of yourself, the outside messages of others no longer impact it. If you don’t have a strong sense of self, you actively look towards outside messages to tell you about yourself. And more often than not, those outside messages are less than kind.
Living in authentic alignment means we never try to be something we’re not. We understand our boundaries, we enforce them, and we know when it’s time to push those boundaries for ourselves.
Self confidence and authenticity don’t automatically erase self doubt. We all feel it. It’s natural, and a good thing! It stems from fear and hesitation. Often a sense of not being prepared will flood our heads with doubt.
But I promise that you’re more likely to hesitate way too much than not enough. The line between doubt and anxiety is thin.
It’s perfectly productive to realize you haven’t saved enough money for your house down payment yet, which casts doubt on your ability to buy a house this year. It becomes unproductive when that doubt begins to spiral and you tell yourself you’ll never be able to buy a house. See the difference?
A confident person is willing to acknowledge self doubt and work through the challenges. Someone with no confidence will allow the doubt to take over, completely controlling the narrative of the situation.
Changing Low Self Esteem
Don’t be afraid of confidence! Being confident is not even in the same category as arrogance or narcissism. Arrogance is about entitlement and scarcity mindsets. And narcissism is a personality disorder. Confidence is a natural gift we all are capable of giving ourselves.
Being “self absorbed” in the way of arrogance and narcissism is the exact opposite of confidence. Self confidence results in us becoming less self centered, not more.
This is because we’re no longer concerned with how others are viewing us. We act in authentic alignment, regardless of other people’s opinions. We obviously aren’t causing harm to anyone else, or doing anything problematic. We’re simply living our best lives!
How can we become more confident in ourselves, and by extension our spirituality? I’ve outlined a few phases to move through when you’re working on raising your levels of self esteem.
This is perhaps the most important thing you can do in the face of low self esteem. Show yourself plenty of love and compassion.
You are the setter of your own standards. You know how hard you work at things. There’s no need to beat yourself up if you seemingly fall short of your own standards.
I want you to consider where your standards for yourself are coming from. Are they truly yours? Are they even realistic? Do they even matter to you? Do they align with your values and goals?
Self compassion is vital to building self confidence. When you give yourself all the love and emotional validation you need, you become enough for yourself. And that’s all confidence is.
Self compassion, self love, and self care are the cornerstones of any spiritual journey. Embodying love brings us closer to the Universe, because It is pure love!
Exploration & discernment
We don’t start off as experts in our spiritual modalities of choice. Exploration and learning are important in our spiritual journey. And indeed, in general! We gain more confidence the more we explore what we’re drawn to, unapologetically.
No matter what interests you, especially in a spiritual sense, fearlessly explore it. Don’t hide behind a curtain. If you can’t confidently state outloud what your spiritual journey entails, it will never feel grounded in your life. Thus, it will never bring you confidence.
While exploring this beautiful spiritual journey of yours, always use discernment. Trust your gut because confidence is a feeling of trust. If you’re confident this information you found is wrong, follow that feeling. If you’re confident that this information will lead you to your soul purpose, follow that feeling!
Earlier I said that being confident means having a sense of your strengths, weaknesses, and zone of genius (which is the area of life that’s easy for you, fulfilling, and impactful).
Building self confidence takes a deep level of self awareness because you need to know these things about yourself. Again, we aren’t blaming or shaming ourselves. We are actually being very honest and accepting.
Because when you’re constantly trying to do something that isn’t in your zone of genius, that doesn’t play to your strengths, you will never excel at it in the same way.
If you stick to your strengths, and push yourself when your intention is to learn rather than “prove,” you will get a huge boost in confidence!
I highly suggest reading the book The Big Leap by Gaye Hendricks if you want to know more about the psychology behind operating in the zone of genius.
We’ve talked about taking authentically aligned action a lot in this episode! The idea is very similar to operating in the zone of genius.
When you know your values, your work ethic, your desires, and your purpose, it’s easy to decide what to do and what not to do. Make the commitment to ask yourself if everything you do is supporting your authenticity (as defined by values, ethics, desires, and purpose).
From there, it’s simple. If the decision supports your authenticity, take action on it! If not, lovingly decline and send it back to the Universe. If you’re having some self doubt, sleep on it or consult with a trusted loved one.
Authentic action is not acting impulsively. It probably will morph into something that looks like impulse once you get really good at discerning what’s authentically aligned and what isn’t. But when you’re just starting to build self esteem, you’ll probably have to consider things more deeply before taking action.
The important thing here is that a decision eventually gets made. Don’t fall into the trap of avoidance. Decide if it’s a yes or no, then move on. The person who lacks confidence is more likely to get caught up in trivial decisions.
If you by chance say no to something the Universe wants you to say yes to, it will come back to you. Probably in a way that’s way more comfortable and fitting for your authenticity!
Self worth and self confidence are two sides of the same coin. You can’t feel confident without also feeling worthy. And in the spiritual community, we talk about self worth a lot. I know I do on this podcast!
Which is why I decided the topic of this month’s masterclass within our free community is going to be The Self Worth Secret.
It is happening live on Tuesday, May 31st at 8pm CST. And if you’re listening to this beyond that date, you can always catch the replay! The links will be in the show notes to sign up. Click here to sign up!
Self worth is a buzzword right now, there’s no doubt about it. But there’s a good reason for that. I used to think I didn’t have any problem with my levels of self worth. Until I did the inner work and realized that I certainly did.
Improving your sense of self worth is about rewriting the narrative of your life. It’s about placing yourself as the leader of your journey, not as a follower or passive participant. Sign up for this masterclass and we’ll work on improving our self worth and our self confidence together!
We could all benefit from this work, even if you truly do have a strong sense of worthiness. Click here to sign up! You’ll be prompted to join our free community where the masterclass will happen live. I look forward to seeing you there!