Why Victim Blaming In Manifesting Is Harmful
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This….is a sticky subject. Especially in the spiritual community.
Victim blaming: the tendency to hold victims responsible for the harm they’ve experienced, rather than placing the blame on the perpetrator or other external factors out of their control.
On one hand, it’s obvious to see that victims can’t help when certain bad things happen to them. Like getting assaulted or fired from a job or abused in any way.
On the other hand, people are quick to point out all the different choices victims have made that lead to their demise. Like not practicing personal safety or being unreliable at work or refusing to leave an abusive relationship.
But…is it really so black and white? Do we really attract all these bad experiences to ourselves because of our energy and the Law of Attraction?
There is a fine line between being a victim of circumstance, dealing with consequences, taking responsibility, karma influencing things, and the spiritual belief that we choose our own hardships to experience in this lifetime for the sake of growth and learning.
How do all these things fit together? And what role does the LOA play in it? Are we truly in full control of everything that happens to us via the energy we put out? Or are we just at the mercy of the LOA? Let’s talk about it, without any judgment or finger-pointing.
Manifesting and Victimhood
So there are four main things we’re looking at when it comes to victim blaming alongside manifesting with the Law of Attraction (LOA):
- Factors that are outside of our control
- Taking responsibility for what is within our control
- Making the best choices we can for where we’re at currently
- Karma’s influence (in other words, what we chose to experience in this lifetime for the sake of growth)
And let me be clear from the start: I absolutely would never condemn a victim for experiencing something horrific, regardless of the role they played in that experience. There is so much nuance in all human experiences, and things are not cut and dry.
In fact, as a manifesting coach and professional crystal reiki healer, this whole topic comes up in nearly all of my sessions. My goal is to empower my clients, and my podcast listeners, by helping them figure out where the line is between circumstances out of their control, and decisions that are definitely within their control. And this is really no different than what you might experience in some therapy sessions.
This is ultimately why the topic of “victimhood” is an important one to discuss when on a spiritual healing journey. I think there are points in our lives where we’re all victims. Just as I believe that we are also all empowered to make changes.
So first, what is a victim? A victim is someone who is helpless in a given situation, regardless of how they got into that situation. No one truly wants to be a victim because they are often harmed, injured, or suffer any amount of negative consequences as a result of an event that is outside of their control.
An example that I already mentioned is a victim of domestic violence. Sure, you can say that the victim got themselves into a relationship or situation with a romantic partner that turns out to be abusive.
But the fact that abuse happened was not their fault, even if, by chance, there were giant red flags staring them in the face. The victim may have even noticed those red flags, and it’s still not their fault.
They could not have controlled the actions of their partner. The abusive partner consciously decided to take action on their own accord, and nothing the victim did would ever justify the abuse in any way. That was outside of the victim’s control, despite any “warnings” they may have gotten.
But surely, there were some things that were indeed within the victim’s control, right? Especially once the abuse started to happen. There were choices the victim could make to improve their situation, right?
Technically, the answer to that question is “yes.” But we have to dig deeper into the psychology of humans to really understand why people do the things they do. Like not leaving abusive relationships. (again, nothing is that black and white).
Victim blaming is very problematic for several reasons:
- Shifts responsibility from the offender causing harm to the victim. This can obscure the real cause of the suffering and perpetuate a culture that tolerates or excuses harmful behavior and upholds troublesome stereotypes.
- Undermines empathy, discouraging victims from coming forward or seeking help due to fear of judgment or lack of support. People may be less likely to report crimes or abuses if they anticipate being blamed or disbelieved, creating a cycle of silence and impunity for the offenders.
- Hinders prevention efforts, by diverting attention away from the root causes of the problems that could be used to create safer environments.
- And many more.
Every single person is only doing the best they can with the knowledge they have now. And the knowledge they have now comes from all their past experiences, good or bad. This applies to everyone.
Our brains and bodies learn from our past experiences and physically operate based on those experiences. This is a FACT of biological life. And that’s why we have to make an effort to learn and grow from past experiences, otherwise we will only ever operate from a place of pain based on past events.
If the victim has only ever experienced or witnessed abusive relationships, they might not realize there are things they can do about their situation. Or perhaps they’ve learned to dive deep into denial as a coping mechanism, so they don’t see their situation as a problem. Maybe deep down they have very low self esteem and believe they “deserve” the abuse. There are any number of reasons why people do the things they do.
All of these personality attributes and more contribute to the energetic blueprint of a person. I’ve discussed this many times on this podcast. And their energy blueprint is what the LOA is responding to. So by this logic, there is no place for victim blaming in manifesting. And the Universe is completely impartial, it only responds to the energy that we put out there.
What Do We Do Now?
Now, this is where it starts to get very sticky, hence the need to have this conversation in the first place. People hear this and they immediately start to think that everyone is in complete control of their energy blueprint at all times. Or the exact opposite happens, where people completely remove themselves from the equation, stating that “coincidence” is to blame for bad things happening.
Again, it’s not so black and white! I believe the truth is that we land somewhere in the middle.
I would like to argue that we are in control of at least half of the things that happen in our lives. The conscious choices we make obviously create ripple effects across our whole life. Not to mention the fact that we are in 100% control of how we react to everything that happens around us.
And there’s also the spiritual element of having chosen certain experiences to play out in this lifetime before we were born (known as karma). Then there’s subconscious behaviors and shadow work that we can definitely change about ourselves, even if it takes massive effort.
All of these things contribute to our energy blueprint, which is what the LOA responds to, determining what we attract into our lives. But what about the other half we cannot control? Things that are truly outside of our control, like the actions of others?
Well, to have this conversation, I’ll share my personal beliefs of how the LOA operates in our lives and why. I’ve discovered through many years of working with private clients, and doing my own spiritual healing, and speaking to mystics out there in the real world.
We indeed attract every single experience into our lives. Even those that stem from the decisions of other people.
Let’s say you get mugged as you are walking down the street. You could have been doing everything right as far as personal safety and common sense goes. Yet, the mugger still chose you as their victim. Why?
My personal belief (which is shared by many clients and other spiritual practitioners) is that there are still elements within your energy blueprint that attracted that experience to you. Maybe it was karma, maybe it was subconscious beliefs, maybe it was living in fear or scarcity. The “why” is up to you to figure out through personal growth, healing, and expansion.
But please take note that I NEVER blamed you for being mugged. It’s simply an acknowledgement for the role you played in the situation. No judgments. No finger pointing. Only a deep understanding that nothing is coincidental, and everything you are experiencing matches your vibration (for better or for worse).
I would never blame you for the bad things that happen. I would never tell a client “well your energy attracted that assault. Boo hoo for you. Figure it out.” That mugger still exercised their free will in the choices they made, and you had no control over that.
So what do we do if we find ourselves in a bad situation, and we want to take responsibility without blame or judgment or finger pointing? How do we do that?
I think the first thing to realize as a mystical person on a healing journey is that these things are not mutually exclusive. You can certainly be a victim of someone else’s free will (such as the mugging) while also taking responsibility for the role you played in it. And I think the process of finding that balance is different for everyone, as well as where the line is actually drawn.
There are so many variables at play, but ultimately I hope that you never fully remove yourself from the situation. Because once we throw up our hands and say “that had absolutely nothing to do with me, just bad luck,” we are effectively disempowering ourselves. If we’re living at the mercy of “luck,” then there doesn’t seem to be much point in making an effort to heal, grow, or manifest our dreams at all.
Instead, if you sit yourself down and say, “yes, that was indeed an unfortunate situation that I couldn’t foresee or stop from happening. But what about my energy or mindset helped manifest it? How can I learn and grow from it so it doesn’t happen again?” Now we’ve empowered ourselves by putting ourselves back in the driver’s seat.
I realize that this might be a very difficult thing to do for some people. By default, we place ourselves in the role of the victim. There’s nothing wrong with that necessarily, because we are only ever doing the best we can with the knowledge we have now. And if that’s all you know how to do, then it makes sense that that would be your reaction.
But in the long run, victimhood is harmful to your spiritual ascension and personal healing. Victims are helpless, and they have no effect on the world around them. Victims are definitely real, and you know you’re in a victimhood state if your actions or words change nothing about the situation.
Another thing we can do as mystics to grow out of victimhood and victim blaming is to take a step back and ask ourselves, “How often am I truly victimized? Is this a situation where I truly have no control over what’s happening or how it plays out?” I think if you are objective and honest with yourself, you’d be surprised to find that true victimization is quite rare and fleeting (which is rather “lucky”).
Ultimately, victimhood (and therefore, victim blaming) are choices. There’s a difference between being caught in an unfortunate situation and choosing to believe you are helpless. I could probably do another whole episode on “victimhood” mentality, which is basically when you feel like everything is happening to you and you have zero influence.
This is a very complicated topic, and I hope this episode has at least started to shed some light on it. Victim blaming in manifesting has no place, because we are not helpless victims. We are creators of our own reality who sometimes get caught in unfortunate situations. To be a victim, or to be blamed as a victim, is to be disempowered. And if you’re reading this, you are a modern mystic who is EMPOWERED.
If you want to keep traveling down the path to empowerment, I recommend you tune into episode 130 called The Case Against Manifesting. It’s important to look at this manifesting business from all angles. Thank you for reading!